after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
