I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
