Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
