UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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