Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
