I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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