Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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