What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
