dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is Oprah even human
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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