I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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