my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
