Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
