No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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