You just made me feel so damn special
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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