pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
