I think im going to throw up on grandma
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
