I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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