I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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