I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
