Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
