my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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