Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
