They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
