Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
