I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Green mimosas i think yes
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
