first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
