Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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