I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
