our cab driver is having phone sex.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
