Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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