you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
