Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
