I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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