i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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