i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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