I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
