ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
