I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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