btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
