my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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