I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
