WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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