im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
