TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
