You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
