Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
