i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
