I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
