He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The ass gains better be worth it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
