Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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