It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
