Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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