Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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