I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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